Even though Donald Trump is safely ensconced in the White House, his wife Melania has opted to stay in Trump Tower, costing tax payers at least $140,000 every single day she is there, prompting protests and online petitions calling for Trump to foot the costs himself. Now, perhaps as a way to appease critics, it seems that Trump is reconsidering his plans to stay in Washington. On Friday, he was heard saying to a reporter “The White House is just as old and outdated as the losers who used to live in it. Sad. I’m not gonna keep living with those liars and losers in Washington D.C., so I’m going to move the White House to Trump Tower where it deserves to be.”

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When questioned about his plans to relocate the presidential residence, Trump said “I’m a builder – and in order to build a great nation, we have to start by building a better White House. And wouldn’t it look better in New York City? And clad in gold?” The new White House, Gold House will be the world’s tallest executive building and it will serve as an extension of Trump’s private penthouse, offering panoramic views of Central Park, the East River, and New Jersey.

Trump also hinted at plans to remodel the interior by slathering the Oval Office in gold paint and prominently displaying the heads of endangered animals slain by his sons. Visiting dignitaries will be able to access the White House via a street-level poor door and 68 flights of stairs.

Trump claims that he will fund the project entirely out of his own pocket – “Part of the beauty of me is that I am very rich.” – and that the massive undertaking will produce thousands of jobs. Ironically, many of the laborers contracted to relocate the White House are immigrants who will be forced to leave the country under Trump’s punishing immigration edicts.

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