On Monday, the New York City Council approved a new plan to replace Central Park’s controversial horse-drawn carriages with human-powered Citi Bike pedicabs. The decision came as a welcome surprise to animal rights activists as well as to Citi Bike, which has been looking for additional sources of revenue to help with its bleak finances. Like the bike-share program’s existing blue cycles, the new people-pulled “Citi Pedi” carts will be available for daily or weekly rent, but annual members will not be able to use their current keyfobs to undock the new pedicabs.
“Citi Pedi will be a cruelty-free alternative that doesn’t harm our four-legged friends,” said Mayor de Blasio at a press conference announcing the initiative as he carefully sliced up a piece of pizza and fed it to one of the park’s newly emancipated horses. An unidentified man wearing sunglasses and a sombrero, who witnesses say resembled former Mayor Michael Bloomberg, quickly swooped in behind de Blasio and replaced the pizza with a carrot. “Y will be mas healthiorito por los neo yorquinos also,” the man mumbled into the microphone before scurrying away.
While New Yorkers and tourists will be able to rent Citi Pedis to pedal around their own friends or cargo, Citi Bike says the vehicles will also be a way for people to make a buck on the side. “Pedaling a group around for 3 hours will net you enough for a tall Latte at Starbucks,” explained a spokesperson enthusiastically. “You can even make a enough for a month’s rent for just a year’s worth of constant pedaling!”
Pricing for Citi Pedis has not been finalized but sources say daily and weekly rates will be about 120 times those of regular Citi Bikes.
Just kidding – April Fool’s everyone!